Just imagine for a moment that you are your own best friend? That you were your biggest supporter? How different would your life be? It is time to STOP being so hard on yourself and become your biggest cheerleader!
I want to look at some of the thought patterns/things you tell yourself and how to change them. The words you choose shape your experiences. So time to let go of words/ phrases that are self-sabotaging!
1.” I should have…”
I should do this; I should do that, the list of ‘shoulds’ can be endless. When you don’t meet your ‘shoulds’ it makes you feel bad. At this point you have a choice to make – you can beat yourself up, you can focus on what you didn’t do and feel crap about yourself or you can choose to have a more realistic and flexible view of life! So you didn’t do something you thought you ‘should’! So what! You’re human, not a machine and you are going to make mistakes. Instead of looking at the situation as a mistake or a failure look at it as an opportunity to learn! Every time you focus on your past choices, stop and think this simple phrase: “It’s behind me, and now I’ve learned what to do if this situation happens again.”
Replace should with could and see how it feels totally different. Instead of ‘I should get up early’ try ‘I could get up early’. Using could gives you a choice. It could be better but if you don’t do it, you are not wrong.
2. “I don’t deserve it.”
Would you say this to your best friend or your children? NO! So why would you say this to yourself! If you don’t believe in you – why would anyone else? You deserve the best and it does not serve anyone to punish yourself or think otherwise!
3. “That’s impossible.”
I used to say this OFTEN! You have heard the saying – NOTHING is impossible! This is true with the ‘its possible attitude’, you will be surprised what you can achieve. By labelling things as impossible you are limiting yourself. Did you know the only person who can stop you – is YOU.
4.”It’s too late.”
It’s never too late to live the life you have dreamt of! NEVER! It is common to think you should have had your life figured out by 30 and think it is too late if you didn’t! But guess what there are endless people who have done just that. Here are a few – Henry Ford designed the Model T car at 45, Colonel Sander franchised KFC at 62, JK Rowlings wrote the first Harry Potter book at 32, Susan Boyle had never sang professionally at 48 and Ray Kroc started the MacDonalds franchise at 52. I love the book The Alchemist – everyone has a purpose and should live their life according to their Legend. Whenever you are doing something that fills you with enthusiasm you are following your legend. What fills you with enthusiasm, what have you always dreamt of doing. It is NEVER too late – today is YOUR day.
5. “Comparing yourself to others.”
This is destructive! There is only one YOU! You are unique and the world needs you and your special gifts. It is a much healthier habit to compare yourself to yourself! See how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you have made to your dreams. Also remember other people have their own stories and difficulties – so even if they look like they have EVERYTHING, you have never walked in their shoes and you don’t know their story.
6. “I have no time to relax.”
This one is common. Everyone has time for the things in life they see as important. So make YOURSELF a priority – YOU are important. Make time in your day for YOU! Start with an hour and work up to a day. Believe it or not this will give you more time and energy to do all the other necessary things.
7. “Hating how you look…
Have you ever looked back of photos of yourself when you thought you were fat and you were anything but fat! So much time is wasted not liking how we look. I hear so many people hating on how they look. When I coach people I ask them to do a list of their good and bad points. The bad points come easier every time and are full of every possible perceived physical defects! Here a couple of examples ‘I am too short’, ‘I have a big nose’, ‘I am fat’, I hate my hair’, ‘my hips are too big’, ‘ I have no boobs’, ‘I am too skinny’ etc
One of my favourite songs is ‘Everyone is Free to Wear Sunscreen’ – for the words more than anything else. Here they are:
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’99 wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it the long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded but trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future or know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind The race is long and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, You’ll miss them when they’re gone
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room. Read the directions even if you don’t follow them. Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. But trust me on the sunscreen.
So don’t waste time wishing you looked like anyone else – love you for YOU!
8. “Learn to accept a compliment.
When people feel the need to tell you what makes you amazing, appreciate it and own it!
9. “I look awful today.”
The first bit of advice I would give you is to get rid of anything you wear that doesn’t make you feel GREAT. We all have those outfits that whenever we wear them, we feel crap – so donate any such outfit to the Salvos!
It is also ok to have a bad day and you seriously need to stop being so hard on yourself! Love yourself no matter what. Get rid of any negative words – they help NO-ONE.
10. “They were right about me.”
Words are powerful and the words people have said to you over your lifetime have an effect. Have you ever noticed how you can remember a negative statement someone said to you 20 years ago. You carry those words and stories around with you. You take them as fact/truth and it continues to affect your life today. Did you know what people say and do often has more to do with them, than you?
So it is time to let go of those old stories once and ever! It is time to rewrite the story of your life – it is NEVER too late to do so and live the life of your dreams.
To love yourself is to accept yourself as you are … not as someone else wants/expects you to be. To love yourself is to know you are amazing! Cos you are — and don’t forget it, even on your bad days.