11 Tips to Get Over Your Breakup

breakup

11 Tips to Get Over Your Breakup

Breakups are one of the toughest experiences and I am often asked what are my tips to get over a breakup.

I am sure you have heard the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. However, this may make you feel momentarily better but can do more damage to you and the other person in the long run.

No matter what side of the breakup you were on, it is tough.

However, it is always harder for the person who has been broken up with as they don’t have any control over the breakup.

Did you know that research has found that you will experience real physical pain and it will hurt your actual heart! When they say it is heartbreaking they weren’t joking and it is totally understandable why a breakup takes its toll on you.

If you are the person doing the breaking up it matters how you do it. The person you have broken up with needs to understand why this happened and if you don’t give them a reason it is much harder for them to move on. Avoid ghosting or sending a text without an explanation. Always imagine how you might feel if you were in that position.

I want to give you some simple ways to feel better and deal with the pain.

Here are 11 Tips to Get Over Your Breakup

1. Feel the Feelings and Cry to Get Over the Breakup

You might be tempted to do anything to escape the pain of your breakup. But all that will do is prolong the pain. It is important to take the time to feel your feelings about the breakup and grieve. Crying is one way you can process those feelings, so is getting angry and feeling sad. Listen to sad songs as believe it or not research has found people are drawn to sad music after a breakup (not sure why you might need research to prove this one)!  Although a study did find that your brain is drawn to sad music and that listening to it actually led to more positive emotions for the person who was listening. So play so sad break up songs and allow yourself to completely feel your emotions.

2. Don’t be Friends

No matter how much you might want to be friends, don’t! The best way to deal with a breakup is to go cold turkey and not see the person. You will get withdrawal symptoms and miss them but it will allow you time and space to get over them. When you chose to be friends you simply prolong the pain and you have a constant reminder of what you no longer have.  Don’t text or try and talk to them. If you were friends on Facebook either unfriend him or unfollow. It may seem harsh but it will make things so much easier for you to deal with. Those clear boundaries will make healing much easier.

3. Hang out with Your Friends to Get Over the Breakup

You will have time and space in your life that your ex used to fill and this can be hard to deal with. It is the perfect time to spend time with your friends and family who love you and want to support you. Being able to talk about what happened allows you to process it! Your friends will also be able to distract you. Being around family and friends can reduce your stress levels, which is exactly what you need.

4. Be Objective and Learn the Lessons

It is important to be objective and look at what happened in the relationship. It can be all too easy to blame the other person for what happened without looking at your role in the breakdown of the relationship.  It is time to take radical responsibility for your actions while remembering that you are only responsible for your part.

Often people will do the same behaviours in their each of their relationships and wonder why they don’t work out. It is important to be aware of this or you are likely to keep experiencing your own Ground Hog Day Relationship! Remember the only way Bill Murray got out of Ground Hog Day was to do something completely different.

Each relationship you are in will teach you something. When you don’t take the time to learn the lesson you are likely to keep repeating the experience until you do. When you take the time to do this it is your best chance of not repeating the pattern in the future.

Make sure you don’t get caught up in the scarcity mentality, you know that this was the only person you could ever be with. Remember that breakups happen for a reason.

5. Focus on the Positives

It may sound strange but focus on what could be positive about not being with your ex. Maybe you didn’t get to do the things you liked when you were together and now you can freely enjoy them. Or you didn’t get to watch your favourite shows or enjoy your guilty Netflix picks. Whatever the things were,  focus on it how good it is to enjoy them again and it will make you feel better.

6. Give Yourself Time to Get Over the Breakup

Nothing works better than a period of time to get over a breakup.

In fact, ‘Time heals all wounds’ is a cliché for a reason. Know that this too shall pass.

Don’t be hard on yourself if you have an off/bad day, still get angry or burst into tears. Take each day at a time, be compassionate to yourself allow yourself the time to heal. The time it takes to get over a breakup will be different for everyone so don’t judge yourself on how you think you should be. In fact, give yourself permission to take as long as you need as breaking up is hard to do.

7. Journal Your Thoughts/Feelings

Journaling is another way to process your thoughts and feelings about the breakup. It will allow you to be clear about the breakup and work out what happened. It will allow you to look at the relationship more objectively and help you in the future.

8. Lose Things that Remind you of Your ex

It can be easy to look at the things your ex gave you and be reminded of the heartache. In fact, it can powerfully trigger painful emotions.  I recommend putting them in a box while you are grieving the relationship. Basically, anything that reminds you of them.

9. Stop the Over Analysing!

It can is easy to agonize over every single conversation and thing that happened. Thinking of how you could have done things differently to avoid the breakup in the first place. But after you have looked objectively this is not helpful. Lose the could haves, should haves and accept what has happened.  Oh, and if you were the one to end the relationship, don’t keep second-guessing yourself.

10. Exercise

Exercise releases feel-good hormones that will allow you to cope with what you are going through. Do whatever form of exercise that you enjoy and it will do two things – take your mind off the breakup as well as release powerful feel-good hormones to cope with the stress. You could even take advantage of the punching bag at the gym! Or go for the walk along the beach – this is incredibly calming and healing.

11. Avoid the Rebound

You might think that it will make you feel better to start to see someone else. You know the whole cliché that you need to get under someone new to get over someone. But this is not the case and the rebound relationship is rarely successful. Distraction will only drag out the pain for it to raise its ugly head down the track. Take the time to be single, to grieve, to learn the lessons and to heal. You will be so much better for it when you are ready to date again and it will give your next relationship the best chance of success. Otherwise, you are likely to bleed all over someone who didn’t cut or hurt you in the first place.

Sending you a massive virtual hug, as I know how painful a breakup can be.

Debbie xx

 

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