If you are want to meet someone, then it is a good time to look at what is working for you and what isn’t. It is time to take a good look at your dating history and get rid of any ‘bad’ habits.
I am always using the saying – “if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
Here are 13 Dating Habits to Break:
- Staying Home with Stan or Netflix!
I have a client who hasn’t gone on a date in 2 years yet wants to meet someone. She hangs out with women at yoga and at home, hasn’t been anywhere different, been online or to events where she could meet someone. If she continues to do what she is doing she will be likely to be single in another 2 years. Unfortunately Australia Post do not deliver the person of your dreams to your front door, so you need to get off the coach and out into the real world or virtual world to meet someone.
Ghosting may seem easier until you are on the receiving end! The golden rule in life is to treat someone how you want to be treated. So it is time to make that the Golden Dating Rule and treat people how you want to be treated and with respect. Ghosting is disrespectful no matter how much ‘easier’ it is and can be awful for the person on the other end! If you don’t want to see someone again, be honest and let them know in a straight forward, kind way.
A flake is a person who makes a plan to only forget or cancel it at the last minute. Is this you? Do you have a problem saying no, so you agree to a date that you don’t want to go on? Only make plans that you want to make, be true to yourself. Oh and if you do want to meet someone it does take time, so I suggest setting aside some time to go on dates and meet people. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
There are so many new dating phrases around nowadays and cushioning is one of the them. Cushioning is all about having a back-up plan if the person you are seeing doesn’t work out. What it means is you are dating someone, but you’re still texting other people and keeping them around. This is nothing new – it used to be called keeping your options open! Again let’s go back to that golden rule of treating someone how you would like to be treated. It may be nice to have the attention but it is not kind and basically you are wasting the other person’s time and not giving your current relationship the past chance.
- Being Negative
Be open and believe in possibility. The relationship you are looking for and great love is available, you have not missed out on your chance, are not too old, too much or not enough. I have run singles events for six years and there are endless wonderful singles out there. Take the time to look at what you are thinking when it comes to meeting someone or finding love. Believe me it matters. Our brains have to deal with billions of pieces of information EVERY day and to do so there is a small part of your brain that filters out what isn’t important. It looks for things that match your patterns, beliefs, values and ways of thinking. Things that don’t match don’t come to your attention. So when you say there are no good singles out there your brain will find examples to match your belief! So it is time to change that belief to ‘everywhere I go I meet great singles’ and the more you say and start to ‘believe’ it the more your brain will allow you to see the possibilities.
- Premature Friending and Pre-Date Stalking
Someone may offer their full name, and direct you to Facebook but resist the urge to go there before you have even met someone. A Match.com survey found that 49% of women would cancel a date because of seeing something they didn’t like online. The problem is you risk misjudging someone based on something that wouldn’t be an issue if you met face to face. It is too easy to make assumptions and jump to conclusions! The thing is, if you look for something you are likely to find it and anyway what would someone think if they googled you! I recommend you judge someone on how you feel when you meet them and be in the moment. Trust your gut feelings.
- Sticking with the Same Tired Online Profile
It is time to update your online profiles. If you use online dating your profile should be CURRENT, you can’t keep the same pictures year after year. Update both the profile and pictures. Singles notice the same tired old profiles and it makes you look undateable. The key to online dating success is to have a good picture and profile that appeals to the opposite sex not just you. Please note that we do review/write profiles if you want to change your results! Great photos/well written profile will make all the difference to your results. For more tips read Spring Clean your Dating Profile.
- Talking About Your Ex
The first couple of dates should be fun. All too often people waste time talking about a failed relationship and the ex. Don’t! When you first meet try not to ask questions about what happened in a previous relationship. If you are asked it is not an excuse to tell all, simply say it didn’t work out. No-one wants to hear about your ex and it will give the impression that you are not over them. ! It does not build a connection with the person in front of you, in fact it can put them off! Let go of the past and concentrate on your date!
- Choosing Based on Chemistry Alone!
Chemistry is not the best indicator of a successful, happy and fulfilling relationship. Everyone looks for chemistry but chemistry can bring about some of the worst relationships. Don’t get me wrong I believe that chemistry is important but it is only one component of a great relationship. It is equally important to have compatibility, communication and a shared vision for the future. Chemistry will literally blind (based on the chemicals released) you to any potential red flags/deal breakers so it is important to be clear on what you want to feel in a relationship. I see people repeating the same pattern time and time again and you can change this by being clear what you want. Relationships with intense chemistry will often break up if the other 3 components are not present.
- Dating the Same Type of Person
If you are continually dating the same type of person and it isn’t working for you maybe it is time to give a different type of person a chance? If you’re always dating people who are unavailable or won’t commit or who treat you like crap it is time to look at your pattern of what you choose! Qualities and how someone makes you feel is so much more important than looks and height! What do you have to lose? At worst, you meet someone new and interesting, at worst you practice for your next date (with someone else).
- Settling for Less
This can go hand in hand with the number 8. It can be all too easy to get excited that you have finally met someone and you both like each other. Your excitement can cause you to overlook the stuff you don’t like. You may have some clear deal breakers like you don’t want to date a smoker, someone who is very critical, someone who is very negative, a heavy drinker, someone who is rude to the waitress, someone who has young children, someone who is always late, etc. It is important to be clear about what matters to you in a relationship – you know look at what you need to have, what is a deal breaker and what would be nice to have. It is important to know your value. Be clear and don’t settle for bad behaviour.
- Get Rid of Impossible Expectations
It is all too easy to have a long list of impossible physical expectations such as height and age. The best looking person does not also make you happy – it is a much better idea to go on how someone makes you feel. Stop turning away people who could be wonderful partners for you.
- Boring Online Communication
Online dating is tough and to be successful it is important to have a fun light hearted conversation to get the ball rolling. Hey, Hi, how was your weekend does not work. Singles can be bombarded with messages so make yours count.
Dating can feel tough so it you would like some more help to tip your toe back in the water, we can help you. Send us and email or give us a call.