Do you want to be successful with women yet the success you want escapes you leaving you feeling frustrated, angry and hopeless?
You keep trying the same things and women just keep rejecting you.
Doing the same thing and expecting different results, is the definition of insanity! In fact, this is Einstein’s definition of insanity. Einstein also said – ‘You can’t solve the problems with the mindset that created them’.
Unfortunately, many guys act this way when it comes to dating, relationships and women. They fall into the trap of making the same mistakes over and over again and yet still expect different results.
As well as being insane, it simply doesn’t work and isn’t necessary when you can change it!
How you think matters!
In fact, your mindset affects how you act.
If you think you will be a failure, it will give you feelings of being a failure than cause you to act like a failure.
You will get caught up in what is called the Failure Triangle.
It is easy to believe that your thoughts, feelings and beliefs are facts! Yet they are generalisations your mind has come up with based on your experiences. When you chose a different thought it will lead to different feelings and different beliefs.
You can choose your thoughts!
It is important to learn to think like someone who is successful with women rather than with the failure mindset.
When you are looking for approval and validation from women it shows in your body language. In fact, when you are talking to women they can feel that you don’t feel comfortable and it then makes them feel uncomfortable in return. This doesn’t make for an enjoyable conversation or build a connection.
Women don’t quite understand how hard it is for men to talk to them and will view this as you having low-confidence which is unattractive. It makes you come across as you thinking you are not good enough to talk to her – that you see yourself as lower value.
When you are trying to impress women from this mindset it just doesn’t work.
If you believe you can do something you will be right and if you believe you can’t you will also be right!
Let’s Look at the Beliefs that Keep you in the Failure Triangle
- What are your beliefs that you have that get you the results that you are getting?
- What are the beliefs that cause you to be negative, self-sabotaging and limiting in your thinking and actions?
- What is it costing your you?
- What is it costing your career, family, friends and health?
Take the time to look at your beliefs as they cause you to feel and act how you do. As I mentioned before it is important to come from the mindset of someone who is successful. To be successful with women it is important to be confident, authentic and have confident body language.
It is important to be yourself, to be happy with who you are and have the confidence to know that most people will accept you for who you are.
#1Confidence makes you Successful
Confident men are extremely attractive to women. If you don’t believe in yourself, why would she? It is not the best-looking guy who is the most successful, it is the most confident guy. Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities. It’s not about being superior but is the quiet inner knowledge that you are capable. Confident men feel secure rather than insecure and that comes across to the people they are talking to. Confidence is being able to control what happens on the inside of you so that you can deal with what is happening on the outside. Your internal state determines how you feel about yourself and drives your actions. So start here.
I recommend that you look at the areas in your life where you are confident and look at the actions that you take to be successful. Skills are transferable. Make a list of what skills and actions you take and then apply those skills to dating.
Talking to women successfully is also a skill. Talking is a mix of the right questions as well as the ability to listen twice as much as you talk. Simply being able to talk at someone is not confidence. Be curious about what works and what doesn’t work. Women are simply people and if you can talk in general you can talk to women. Practice, practice, practice!
Everyone is unique and this is what makes people interesting and likeable. It is important to be comfortable being yourself!
If you are not comfortable with yourself, I recommend you work on your self-esteem before you start trying to date. If you don’t believe in yourself, that will come across to others! When you don’t feel good about yourself it is easy to think that you need to be like someone else, yet all that does it make you come across as weird.
It is important to stop trying to be something you aren’t and acting weird/insecure. People can sense when you are not being true to yourself. it is important to talk about things you like and laugh about what you find funny.
You do need to present the best version of your authentic self by being well-groomed, in shape and not boring.
#3Successful Body Language
Did you know that your body language makes up 55% of your communication and is more important than the words you use? Therefore, when you are talking to women it is important to look at your body language! You need to have confident body language!
To have confident body language you need to stand up tall, have your head high, your shoulders pulled back and have a smile. Not only will this give a good impression it will also make you feel better and more confident. It is hard not to be happy and more confident when you do this.
Amy Cuddy is a Social Psychologist who has carried out extensive research on the effects of body language on mindset and I recommend you look at Amy Cuddy’s Power Poses YouTube Video
#4You Don’t Need to Convince Her
It is important to realise that you don’t need to convince anyone to like you. Men often fall into the trap of thinking that they need to act like a salesman and list all the reasons why women should date then. This will work against you instead of for you.
You do not need to prove that you are worthy of her attention. All she will see is a man who is trying to convince her he is good enough and she will automatically take this to mean that you don’t believe you are good enough! This is unattractive to women. A man who doesn’t believe he is good enough is unattractive to women. This comes across as needy and suggests that you will take what you can get (no-one wants this) and don’t have high standards.
Remember your mindset is key to your success and you have created your own self-image. It is time to see if it is working for you or against you.
If you are not getting the results you want, I can help. A Dating Coach works like a personal trainer to get you the results that you aren’t getting on your own. Simply call +61 450 771 382 or email Debbie@Dare2Date.com.au
Here’s to your success.