If you are single you have probably heard it all! Everyone LOVES to offer dating advice!
There is so much contradictory advice. How do you know what advice to listen to and what to IGNORE?
As a Dating Coach and running Dare2Date I am in a unique position where I have been able to see what advice works and what doesn’t.
Here are the 6 pieces of dating advice you should IGNORE:
- You will meet someone when you aren’t looking!
This is the most flawed piece of logic EVER – is’s like saying making something a priority is a mistake! Seriously you don’t find a job when you stop looking, or the perfect outfit or get qualified without studying! So why would you ignore the fact that you want love in order to find it? When you make something a priority you are much more likely to achieve it. This does NOT mean obsessing about it. When you obsess it fills you with worry and becomes an unhealthy preoccupation. It is important to know the difference between making something a priority and making something an obsession! When you make love a priority you take specific action to achieve it. I know many singles who put effort into other areas of their life and have great success but they neglect the area of love. They just haven’t made love important enough. Making something important enough and a priority will drive you to take the action you need. This could be as simple as getting some coaching to remove your blocks, getting out of the house and meeting people through various options including singles events or trying online dating. The love of your life rarely comes knocking at your door.
- If you don’t feel instant chemistry don’t bother.
Chemistry is not the best indicator of whether someone is right for you. First dates can be awkward and people aren’t themselves. You can have amazing chemistry with someone you don’t like or who you even argue with constantly. Chemistry fades so it’s important to like the person you are with. It is important they make you FEEL good. How many times have you looked back on previous relationships where there was awesome chemistry but it either didn’t last or the person didn’t make you feel good. Attraction and chemistry can build – it can take up to 3 dates to get a good connection.
- You are getting older so you can’t be so fussy.
I don’t know about you but if I am choosing to spend the rest of my life with someone they have to be someone I want to be with. No-one wants to settle for Ms or Mr OK. This is a person who will have so much impact on the rest of your life! So you need to be particular! It is important to know how you want to feel and to choose someone whose life values match yours. This is not an area where you settle. Having said that make sure you are not looking at superficial attributes that aren’t really important or a list of things that don’t matter – for more information read – 5 Simple Ways to Know if they are Right for YOU!
- You have to look great to attract the relationship you want.
How you look isn’t the be all and end all. Focusing solely on how you look is not the answer. Sure make the most of what you have – dress well with great fitting clothes, present the best you can, get a great haircut, smell great, etc. I have seen some many average looking singles meet the person of their dreams – they may not have been 10’s but they had a great attitude and were in the right place to attract a great relationship. Where better looking singles who were either desperate or not over their past and still hanging onto their hurts had missed out. Your level of wrinkles, weight, attractiveness means little when it comes to attracting a QUALITY person. You may worry about those wrinkles and a few extra kgs but the person who is really interested in you doesn’t care. Believe me I have seen this often enough in the past 5 years. And if you are with someone who can only criticize you for your wrinkles, weight ,etc they are not the person you want to be with.
- The Law of Attraction will bring your soulmate.
The Law of Attraction is powerful! Basic manifesting laws prove you must be clear on what you want. You can’t simply know what you don’t want and create from that space. What you want is not the opposite of what you don’t want. Like attracts like – basically we attract our mirror. To attract the right person you need to be the right person.Be what you want to attract! If you want unconditional love you need to love yourself unconditionally, if you want someone kind you need to be kind, etc. You have to be a vibrational match to attract the right person. Wanting it alone will not attain it. Belief is necessary but so is action on your part.
- Don’t worry about being yourself – you can do that when they are committed to you!
You can’t be something you aren’t -the real you will show up eventually. There is no point pretending you like stuff just to impress someone – you need to be authentic about what you like and who you are. Having said that you need to put your best foot forward while still being you! I often hear singles say if they don’t like me as I am then I don’t care. However, you wouldn’t go to a job interview with this attitude! You would present the best version of you! First impressions do count so it is important to show your best side. It is equally important to be genuine and not say things you don’t believe just to impress someone.