Online dating can be tough, depressing and even demoralizing, especially when you are not meeting anyone you like. After working with hundreds of singles, here are the top six reason online dating isn’t working for you, along with some tips to change this:
- You’re Profile Sucks
Often the reason online dating doesn’t work for people is their profile SUCKS! There are so many TERRIBLE profiles out there! Your online profile is the key to getting a date. Photos and what you write matters – so make sure you don’t fall into the trap of just throwing something together in the hope it will work!Let’s start with your main photo – if this isn’t good people won’t even look at you. People make decisions in an instant on that one photo so make it good.Both sexes: Use recent photos that look like you NOW! So many people choose their favourite photo of themselves but the problem is it doesn’t look anything like them! Use a recent photo because no-one cares what you looked like 10 years ago. If you turn up for a date and don’t look anything like your photo the other person will be disappointed and not choose to go on a 2nd date with you. No group photos. Make sure you include a full length photo of yourself.
Men: No weird angle looking up shots, no close ups, no photos taken too far away where no-one can tell what you look like, no mirror shots, shirtless photos or photos with fish.
Ladies: The best profile picture is a head shot where you are smiling, looking friendly and approachable. Avoid showing too much skin like cleavage, short skirts or tight clothing as you will attract the guys who are looking for one thing.
What you write in your profile matters! Your profile needs to paint a picture in words of who you are and what you want. I recommend getting someone to help you or get it professionally written. It is worth getting it right as you only have one chance to make a good first impression online.
There are so many things that you can write in a profile that can potentially put people off. An example is one man told me if he sees a picture of a woman standing next to a new expensive care he will not select her as that simply doesn’t match what he values in life. Do not have a list of what you don’t want – it makes you look negative and hard work. Don’t say you don’t know what to write and that you are just a nice person – that is soooooo beige and no-one likes beige. You want to stand out not disappear into the background.
When people read your profile they want to be able to picture themselves in your life – so make sure you paint an accurate picture.
Don’t make your profile too long or too short – 3 to 4 paragraphs is perfect.
Regularly update your profile so it reflects the current you. I have seen people keep the same profile for 5 years – everyone changes over 5 years and so should their profile.
- You Don’t put in the Effort or Make the Time to Meet
Believe it or not the person of your dreams will not come knocking on your door, they will take a bit of effort on your part to find. With this in mind it is important to put aside the time to meet someone. Let’s face it you would make an effort to follow your dreams, to find the perfect job, get fit, etc so why wouldn’t you put in the effort to find the one.People are continually saying that online dating is like a 2nd job and it can feel that way. The problem can often be that we expect to go online and instantly meet someone – it rarely happens that way. It will take a bit of time and commitment on your part so actually make time in your time in your day to day life for dating. Make it a priority. I recommend you send a couple of messages that are fun and light hearted, don’t get caught up in interview style questions – there is plenty of time for this later. Basically form a connection through your communication but don’t spend forever chatting online. For more tips on this read – 11 Proven Ways to be Successful Online.
Men get frustrated with women who don’t have time to meet them and engage in long drawn out conversations. Ladies I recommend that when you go online that you set aside time in your calendar each week to meet the people you are talking to. In the calendar put in your usual weekly activities and set aside time for a couple of dates.
I recommend you communicate via email for a couple of days, then talk on the phone. If the conversation is good then you can arrange to meet. This should take a week no more. The phone call is essential – if the conversation goes flat there is no point meeting in person.
Remember the quality singles you are talking to could be ‘snapped’ up quickly. You may be talking to other people but so are they so the sooner you meet the better.
Meet within a week – this may seem quick but it saves a lot of wasted time. It may seem busy at first but it will pay off.
- You’re not Great at Communication
Good communication is necessary for all types of dating, however it is the key to success in the online world. Like it or not online emails/messages are a large part of the initial process and communicating effectively via these methods is a skill you need to develop to be successful.Respond to messages in a reasonable timeframe, we live in an instant society and people don’t want to wait forever to get a reply. Having a great conversation via text/emails is all about getting the momentum going and if you take too long this will never happen. And remember the good people will be snapped up.Spelling matters! You don’t have to be a good speller you can rely on spellcheck.
To send a good message look at their profile and find something interesting to start with. On this point make sure you have something interesting in yours for people to comment on.
Ladies make an effort to give a decent reply especially when a man has put a lot of effort into his message. If you give one sentence answers it can give the impression you aren’t interested. Essentially don’t be a lazy communicator.
Although online dating can be frustrating, it is still a good place to meet singles. My advice to you is to be committed and invested in the process without being attached to the outcome! Take the time to get to know people who you are 52% interested in – a profile is one dimensional and does not reflect how a person is in real life.
- You Share too Much Information
This is a big one for both sexes. Keep conversations light, it is not the time or the place to talk about your stuff. It is important to bring back the fun to dating. I know that everyone wants to be genuinely accepted as they are, but let people have the time to like you first.People tell anything and everything about themselves on a date and this makes it too easy for people to rule them out.Too much information is off putting. Some examples of what not to talk about are: past relationships, politics, religion, being abandoned as a child, health issues, having cancer, hating your ex, issues with your ex like having a restraining order out on them (no-one wants to be in the middle of that), talking about exes in general, issues with children, lack of success dating, how you hate your job, how you have no friends, how you are disappointed in life, etc. The list is endless and bringing up some of these things early on runs the risk of painting yourself in the wrong light and getting you rejected.I know the older you are the harder it is not to talk about your stuff, especially when someone is asking you. However just because someone is asking does not mean you need to tell them or go into great detail. If you are asked what happened in your previous relationship you can simply say it didn’t work out.
- You Don’t Really know what you Want
It is important to know what you want in a partner. Relationships have the biggest impact on our lives so it is important to get it right. I am not talking about a list of physical attributes, it is more important to focus on your values and on how someone makes you feel.Take the time to look at what you value in your life so you can choose a partner who values the same things. Interests can vary but deep values need to be the same to make a relationship work. So make sure that your profile matches what you really want. So many profiles say they ae looking for one thing when in fact that is not what the person EVER chooses. The mismatch will not attract the right person.
- You’ve Chosen the Wrong Dating App/Site
All apps and dating sites are not created equal. Generally sites where people have to pay to chat indicates they are more serious. I find sites like RSVP where someone has to pay for a stamp to talk to you indicates there is some commitment to the process. Although this isn’t true of all paid sites.Sites like Tinder have historically known as more of a hook up site and have had a high percentage of married people (in the past up to 40%). However, this is changing as people like the format and ease of use. Tinder can work just be aware that you may have to go through a lot of crap to get what you want. When I say I say crap, I mean you will encounter married people, dodgy photos, messages, occasionally hookers and people who only want a casual hook up.