No matter how you meet someone you can end up falling into the same old patterns that stop you having the relationship you have always wanted.
Here are 8 common mistakes singles make and how to avoid them.
- Not Knowing your Values
One of the best indicators of whether a relationship will work is if you share the same values. I am not talking interests but values. So it is important to know what you value in life and what the other person values. Singles who know what they want will save themselves a lot of wasted time and heartache. For example is one person values family, safety and security and the other person wants to be a gypsy and live around the world, chances are one of you will end up unhappy.
- Actions Speak Louder than Words
In the early days it can be easy for someone to say they want the same things. The person you have met may well say they love to travel and you can get all excited that you like the same things. But the more you get to know them the reality could be their idea of travel is doing to a local caravan park while your idea is going to America. Alternatively it could be something they only talk about but never want to do. There is a real difference between saying you want to do something and doing it.
- Never settle because you don’t want to be single
One of the biggest fears singles have is that they will end up alone. This fear leads many single to lower their standards. It is important to be clear about what you want and how you should be treated. Remember people will only treat you how you allow them too. It is important to have healthy boundaries in a relationship and if someone does not honour them then it is better to walk away.
- You Listen to your Head and Not your Heart and Gut
Someone may have everything you are looking for but something just doesn’t feel right. You may base your decision on looks, how much money they earn and what you ‘think’ would make a good partner. But often these factors will not make you happy. It is important to look at how someone makes you FEEL when you are with them – check in with your heart and your gut instincts as they rarely lie.
- Find out what someone wants at the beginning.
It can be all too easy to end up in the grey zone of not defining what a relationship is. Too busy trying to be cool and easy going! If you want a relationship say that is what you want at the start – especially on apps like Tinder! You can’t assume that people are looking for the same thing as you are. By being clear you will know what you are getting yourself into and save a wasted time and emotion.
- Looking for someone to fill your blank spaces
Looking for someone to complete you or fill up your blank spaces is a recipe for disaster. Two halves don’t make a whole in a relationship, they simply make two broken people. Be whole, have a life you enjoy and then meet someone who matches your values – this is the secret to an amazing relationship.
- How you feel around them
Pay particular attention to how someone makes you feel when you are with them and not with them. We actually feel and pick on the energy people give off. If you don’t feel good it is a sign they are not right for you – you know if you come away feeling drained or not good about yourself. People who are particularly negative can have this impact on you. No matter how many boxes they tick or how good looking they are make sure you pay attention to how you feel around them.
- Waiting for someone who isn’t ready
Hope is the first thing to come into a relationship and the last thing to leave. If someone tells you they are not ready for a relationship – believe them. It can be all too easy to waste time and emotional energy on someone who isn’t ready or when the timing isn’t right. The thing is if someone really wants to be with you they will do anything it takes to do so – they will literally move mountains. No time, situation or distance will stop them from getting to you. Stop accepting crumbs.