What is my number one tip for having a great relationship?
Choosing the right person!
The reason some many relationships and marriages don’t work out is because people made the wrong choice. Basically they married someone they shouldn’t have! Choosing the wrong person comes with pain and heartache and let’s face it, it can be pretty expensive too!
So how you avoid doing this?
My advice is to be clear about how you want to feel in a relationship; as well as having a list of 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers.
So let’s look at 9 risky mistakes:
- Choose someone who has a different life plan
You meet someone and there is great chemistry and you like hanging out with them but what they want in life is totally different to what you want. One of you will end up giving up your dreams, this may seem ok in the short term but generally ends in tears with one person feeling resentful that they have missed out on their dreams. Little differences are ok but when it comes to the major stuff it rarely works.
- You choose someone thinking they will change
People don’t change! If you don’t like them how they are don’t choose them it is that simple! In my experience both men and women do this. There are plenty of awesome singles out there so don’t settle.
- You ignore the warning signs
Love or chemistry does make you blind. Neurologists have found that the frontal cortex, responsible for judgment stops working – it basically shuts down! This is why common sense goes out the window and why you don’t see the glaringly obvious. My advice is to be aware of your deal breakers and red flags rather than be blinded by chemistry.
- You choose someone who doesn’t treat you well
People will treat you how you allow them to so it is important to be able to respect yourself and be clear of what your boundaries are. How someone talks to you and treats you matters so don’t accept unacceptable behaviour.
- You get married because that is what you do
I have met many women who got married because they didn’t want to be ‘left on the shelf’, because all their friends were or because it was expected of them. This is the quickest way to an unhappy relationship. Be true to yourself, don’t do something because everyone else is or because that is what you are supposed to do.
- You didn’t listen to your gut
I know of so many relationships/marriages that have failed because people didn’t listen to their gut feeling. They all knew at the time that it wasn’t right but went ahead anyway. Your gut instinct is there for a reason listen to it.
- You think being in a relationship will make you feel better
Your life isn’t what you want it to be and you think it having someone will fix that for you. The key is to be happy in yourself first and have someone who enhances your life rather than thinking you can only be happy with someone. A relationship is not a band aid for what is wrong in your life. You can’t put a band aid on a bullet hole and expect it to work.
- You choose someone based on what they earn
Choosing someone based on what they earn is a recipe for disaster. Money doesn’t buy happiness.
- Anyone will do
You want to get married and have children so much that anyone will do. Don’t settle, EVER.