Everyone you talk to has an opinion when you should first have sex with a new guy. Does the timing of when you have sex matter? That depends on what you’re looking for. If you are interested in casual sex, go right ahead – there is no need to wait. But if you want a relationship it DOES matter! Holding out longer is ALWAYS beneficial.
I can hear you saying it’s 2016 – we are no longer in the dark ages and women should be able to do what they want, when they want to! After all, guys do. But since sex is easier to get, love is harder to find!
Here are 10 reasons to wait:
- When you have sex with a guy, oxytocin is released. Oxytocin lowers your defences and is the key to bonding. Women produce more of this hormone when they have sex. It is the reason you get attached to a guy. It is also the reason you feel crap when a relationship ends, no matter how short term. Men on the other hand simply receive a surge of pleasure!
- Sex/love is a drug. It can block pain and stimulate the same part of the brain as cocaine. It can make you do stupid, crazy things. Just like a drug addict you will do ANYTHING to get a hit. Losing it can actually cause you physical pain just like withdrawing from drugs. No wonder you can act crazy when you don’t have it anymore.
- Sex clouds your judgement – it allows you to overlook his flaws and inflate his good qualities. Sex addles your brain – the chemical cocktail released actually shuts down rational thought processes.
- When you have sex dopamine is released – this makes you feel GREAT. Research (related article) shows if you get a reward too early, especially before you were expecting it, it reduces the amount of dopamine released. Whereas a delayed reward increases it. So it actually feels much better when you wait!
- People like what is harder to get; what is sort after/expensive. Easy come, easy go is a cliché for a reason – because it is TRUE. You need to value yourself and other people will do the same. Sex too early shows that you don’t value yourself.
- When you first meet someone kissing them and making out is exciting and FUN. There are only a few times in your life where you get to experience this. Why rush the excitement and anticipation? You also have his FULL attention so enjoy it. I would recommend waiting the absolute minimum of 5 dates – 6 or 7 even better. Oh and make sure the minimum time span is one month (having 5 dates in one week doesn’t count)! Denying instant gratification will gain you so much more.
- Waiting creates emotional intimacy, when you have sex too quickly you override this. So wait until you have an emotional connection (how long this takes will vary). Acting on strong physical connections can cause you to rely too much on your sexual relationship. Whereas if you build the emotional connection first it will keep your sex life healthy when the passion dies. Basically sex feeds the body but not your soul – it doesn’t do anything for your deep rooted need for connection. The more casual sex you have it can create a pattern of emotional detachment that is hard to break.
- If you come from a background where you couldn’t trust people, that people weren’t interested in your feelings then experimenting with sex can affect you badly. Having casual sex will increase your feelings of alienation from others; it can seriously damage your self-esteem and even cause depression.
- Having lots of sex where you feel used can make you bitter towards men. It can make you feel that there aren’t any good men out there, that all men want is sex. Lots of sex isn’t great for your self-esteem and your need for connection – which all women have. It can send you in a negative spiral and you are at risk of bringing this with you into your future and wreaking a great relationship with the right guy.
- Sex does not win a guy over; this is a game women lose! When I talk to guys they say sex is easy to come by and that women are willing to do anything. Believe it or not this does not impress guys, as much as they may say otherwise. Guys are wired to win a girl over and are instinctively drawn to the chase. When a guy gets what he wants too quickly, he often doesn’t want it. Whether or not we like it, it is a primal instinct in a man to chase and the longer the chase takes, the more value it holds. So waiting works in your favour. So find out where you stand before you have sex – it definitely saves getting hurt!
Happy dating xxx