It is almost the end of the year – a time we usually overindulge and start to reflect on the good/bad of the past year. With all the indulgence we start to think of detoxing! You know giving up alcohol, bad food and start exercising in an effort to rid of the toxins! So why not try Dating Detox!?
Dating Detox will get rid of the build up of toxic dating experiences – negative attitudes, behaviours that hold you back, hurts, regrets and disappointments. What is a Dating Detox? It is a period of time where you DO NOT DATE AT ALL! You put your online dating profiles on hold, remove yourself from Tinder and forget about the opposite sex. Dating Detox is a time for just YOU! It is a time to heal and to find out what you love to do. This is awesome time to forget your problems, allow positive energy to flow and actually be happy. The Dating Detox will help you move away from the negative toxins such as loneliness, desperation and neediness.
How long should it last – personally I recommend between 30 and 90 days as that is achievable. Some experts recommend one month for every month you were in a relationship. But I like Patti Stranger from the Millionaire Matchmakers advice – 30 days if you have been in a relationship for up to a year or if you have never had a serious relationship, 60 days for relationships of up to 2 years and 90 for longer relationships or if you have been married.
Start with a Self-assessment
Unsuccessful dating/marriages leave you with regrets, unresolved grievances and unfulfilled desires. These are all TOXIC to you. Past issues can weigh you down and make you unhappy. During your Detox you need to deal with the things that hold you back. I love this statement from the semi autobiographical Carrie Fischer movie Postcards from the Edge, ‘I don’t know your mother, but I will tell you something. She did it to you and her mother did it to her and back and back and back all the way to Eve and at some point you just have to say ‘Fuck it, I start with me!’ So let go of the past and determine that today is the day you will start with you! This really is critical to let go, forget the past and CHOOSE to move on!
A lot of people struggle to be entirely single and settle for less than satisfactory relationships. If you want a worthwhile relationship you need to clear space in your life. Get rid of all of those ‘going nowhere’ relationships and be totally single. We send out a different vibe when we have someone in our lives – even if they are just a fuck buddy. Remember we accept the love we think we deserve. So work on your self esteem, then make room for an amazing relationship. Picture yourself as a glass -if that glass is full of the wrong relationship there won’t be any space for the right one!
Monitor your Thoughts
Monitor your words, thoughts and what other people tell you. Stay away from negative friends who believe a decent man/woman is impossible to find. Stop looking at the bad side of opposite sex – thinking they are all the same. Don’t be full of self pity -small changes can lead to positive change.
Detoxing isn’t just about getting rid of unhealthy habits and emotions but about replacing them with ones that will get you what you want. Also we when we date we waste so much energy and put too much pressure on yourselves. You know analysing what was and wasn’t said; what was and wasn’t done. Use this time heal and rebuild yourself as healthy relationships happen when you have worked on yourself, are aware of your unhealthy habits and have made an effort to change them.
Find what Makes you Happy
Dating Detox is a time for YOU! Make list of the things that make you happy. If you don’t know then this is the perfect time to find out. Now it is what makes you happy, not what your ex loved to do, or your friends or your mum but YOU! Usually it is the simple things, here are some suggestions:
- Watch your favourite dvd series or movies. Enjoy owning the remote control.
- Try things you have never tried before. If you always wanted to try an acting class, painting of cooking class now is the time to try!
- Listen to happy music (this is definitely not the time for sad break up songs).
- Read a book.
- Take a bubble bath with candles and music.
- Be a tourist where you live.
- Take a trip on your own.
- Go on a road trip, go away for a weekend.
- Meet new people – but not to date.
- Do something that scares you -sky diving, ride a quad bike or a horse.
- Exercise -believe it or not it releases feel good hormones and will ultimately make you feel better. You will also look better.
- Walk along the beach.
- Plant some flowers or a herb garden. See them and yourself grow.
Basically enjoy anything and anything but dating! This really is a quest to find out what makes you happy, it will also prevent you from filling up your empty spaces with a relationship! Get to know yourself, be your own best friend. At the end of your Detox you will be happy and happy people are the most attractive and remember like attracts like. Running dating events it is never the best looking people who are the most popular but those who are happy and confident. Everyone finds that hot!
The last step is to dream of what you want and what that looks like. Imagine your dream person -visualize them (if you are not sure how to visualise read this article http://www.dare2date.com.au/living-dream/). A good start would be to look at your past 5 relationships make a list of there top 5 things you loved about them and then the five things you hate. This will give you a good picture of what you do and don’t want. If you work out what you want you can save a lot of time and energy; besides you will save yourself a future Detox!
Happy Detoxing and I would love to hear how it goes. Oh and when you have detoxed come and try a Dare2Date singles event.
By Debbie Rivers