You have a date planned or you have booked into an event how do you deal with the nerves? This is a question I am asked all the time.
When you are doing something that is outside of your comfort zone it is normal to feel nerves! Knowing that nerves are normal makes it easier to deal with.
Did you know that fear and excitement are two sides of the same emotion? You can choose whether to view it as crippling or exciting!
Alcohol is one-way singles cope with that nervous feeling, however, that can give a whole different set of problems! One too many drinks and it could put your date off!
So how do you deal with your nerves without relying on alcohol? I am going to share eight ways to deal with your nerves and most of them are scientifically proven to work.
8 Tips to Deal with Your Dating Nerves
1. Power Pose
The power pose is a life hack developed by Amy Cuddy Power and it’s a game-changer if you do it. All you need to do is take 2 minutes to stand with your hands-on-hips, feet squared, standing up straight, shoulders back – think of Superman/Wonder Woman. This has been proven to significantly increase your testosterone and reduce your cortisol (stress hormones) and also enable you to take more risks.
When you use the power pose you are more likely to do well in stressful situations like dating/interviews/public speaking. However, when you are nervous you can make yourself smaller – you know shoulders hunched down so no-one will notice you. This not only makes you smaller, but it also makes you feel less confident and has the opposite effect of the power pose because people will see you as less confident. The research found when you do this people will not select you for the job, the speaking gig or the date. The power pose is a real-life example of where faking it until you make it works. Make sure you take the time to watch the video for the full details!
2. Use Exercise to Deal with your Nerves
Going to the gym or exercising is a great way to sweat out your nerves and fear as it releases feel-good hormones that continue to make you feel good long after you have finished exercising. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. Physical activity also stimulates the release of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These all raise your levels of serotonin and improve your mood. If you don’t feel like exercising try putting on some upbeat music and dance around to get in the mood for your date! It is a fun way to get you to forget about feeling nervous.
3. Time to Stop Focusing on What Make you Feel Nervous
If you keep focusing on what makes you feel nervous you will only feel more nervous. STOP IT! Interrupt the thoughts and stop taking them on and to heart! Just don’t – it can be that simple! Half of the nerves and anxiety you are feeling comes from the pressure you are putting one yourself, the other half is that you are scared that you will be rejected. Imagine you are going to meet a friend because when you are meeting new or old friends you don’t have all of that pressure and stuff going on! Make the decision it’s a friend date so you can let go of the pressure, nerves and anxious feelings.
4. Expectations Cause your Nerves
It is important not to be over-invested on the outcome of the date. What is the worst thing that could happen – they just won’t want to see you again? Big deal, right! It’s simply a meet and greet – time to stop freaking out by putting so much pressure that one date. You are actually seeing if they are a good fit for you!
Expectations are the root of all heartache! If you go into any situation and expect too much, it is easy to be disappointed! Going to a date or an event expecting/hoping that they will be your person or you will find your person puts too much pressure on the situation. With the events I run, I tell people to expect nothing and they can be surprised. Go with the expectation to be curious about other people and have a good time regardless. Think of when you go to see a hyped-up movie you are often disappointed yet when you go to see one you haven’t heard of before you can be surprised and really enjoy it.
5. Breathing to Cope with your Nerves
This may sound cliché but it is one of the most powerful things that you can do to calm yourself down! Did you know that your body’s response to stress is automatic – your heart starts to beat faster and your body reacts. Yet your breathing can actually calm down your nervous system – this is called balanced breathing. All you need to do is to sit up straight, relax your shoulders and breath in deeply from your diaphragm. Count in for six breathes and out for six breathes, while you keep your breathing slow and even. Do this for 2-4 minutes, the longer you do the breathing the better you will feel. The benefits have been scientifically proven to have long-lasting effects and in the short term, they will definitely deal with your nerves!
6. Stop Comparing Yourself
Comparing yourself to others is not helpful and can often make you feel worse about yourself. Social media has made it all too easy to look at other peoples lives and feel that theirs is better than your life.
It is easy to suffer from the anxiety, resentment and those sneaky depressive thoughts that come up when you fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people who have what you want. All this does is make you feel that it doesn’t matter how hard you try, there is always someone who is better than you. Stop comparing yourself anyone else as all it will do is make you feel bad. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.
Comparing yourself to others only makes your life difficult and brings you misery and pain. Instead, try using others as motivation to do better.
7. Have Something to Say
Have an opener or some conversations that you enjoy talking about and that you feel comfortable with. It will help you deal with the nerves of not knowing what to say. However, I don’t want you to get caught up in overthinking this. It is all about being your authentic self and talking about what you enjoy. It is also important to listen twice as much as you talk to build a real connection with the person you are on a date with.
8. Practice, Practice, Practice
Dating is a skill and most of it is about being able to have a good conversation and laugh with your date. Just like any other type of skill the more you practice it then the better to you become. It is just like building up fitness or muscles at the gym – to start with it’s hard, you are sore and you want to give up. Yet over time, it becomes easier and you see the results that you want to achieve.
I hope these simple tips help you deal with the nerves that are a normal part of dating. Remember that the most important thing to do is to have fun meeting other people. When you are having fun you will come across so much better to the opposite sex.
If you are struggling getting success of dealing with your nerves, a Relationship Coach can help you, contact me here.
Here’s to your success