Have you ever wondered how you can spot a cheater in the first three dates?
You are not alone.
Unfortunately, cheating is much more commonplace than any of us would like.
If you have been hurt in the past or cheated on it is normal to vow to yourself that it is never going to happen to you again!
Maybe you even wished you had a crystal ball that could tell you how to spot a cheater!
I may not have a crystal ball, but I am going to share with you some signs to look for to keep you safe from ending up with a cheater.
4 Warning Signs to Look Out For
1. Trust your gut intuition to spot a cheater
Trust your gut feeling about someone, it is generally right. Our senses pick up so many signals that our conscious mind doesn’t and gives us a feeling that something is off – trust it. In fact, a 2014 study by Brigham Young University found that we have an infidelity radar. It can pick up strangers that cheat, so your best chance is to listen to how you feel on the first couple of dates.
The study found that people are good at picking up if someone is a cheater without any background information. Interesting, right! The other interesting fact is the study also found that we are less likely to see this when we are in a relationship with someone. Why, because we are less objective and willing to suspect/believe someone we love could do that to us. This comes down to the fact that chemistry will cloud your brain making it harder to be objective.
Okay, you might think that jealousy is really cute and a sign that they care about you. Yet often people who cheat think that you are doing exactly what they are doing! They will project their actions onto you! As humans we think that people act and think like us – so this could be a big sign that you need to take notice of. This could show up in so many different ways in the little things they do and say. Maybe in between the dates, they tell you they enjoy talking to you and you think how lovely that is! Yet what they are really doing is checking that you aren’t with someone else!
3. Actions Speak Louder than Words
Be curious rather than judgemental on your dates. Take the time to listen to what they say, observe how they act and learn about them. Pay attention to what your date does and how it makes you feel. It can be easy for your date to say what you want to hear to win you over, yet the opposite could be true.
People will always show you who they are by their actions so observe them – are they late and do they apologise, are they considerate to you and people like the wait staff? Take notice of how they talk about the opposite sex and if they are staring that moment too long at a good-looking person. Are they continually on their phone, do they call you when they say they will, do they consider your feelings. are they defensive, are they judgemental to others, etc. Notice rather than get caught up in the fantasy idea of them and what the relationship could be.
4. Cheaters Can Too Charming
I know everyone likes someone who is charming and confident. Yet the person who is really good with the opposite sex has usually become that way as they have had a lot of experience. Players know what to say, how to say it and when. Whereas, especially when it comes to men, the nice guy is much more likely to be nervous and less polished around you.
Psychopaths and people who may have narcissistic traits are more likely to cheat because of the rush and ego boost it gives them. These types of people have a big ego, deep down only care about themselves, feel entitled to get what they want, are charming and worst of all don’t feel guilty! They appear sincere and it is exciting to win you over yet when they do can often move on to the next person to chase that excitement again.
Mobile phones are great, yet they have made it so much easier for the cheater! Notice how they act around their phone it can be a warning sign. The behaviour that could be a red flag is hiding what they are doing on their phone, continually placing their phone facedown, having their notifications turned off or quickly putting down their phones when you come into the room.
Word of Warning
If you have been cheated on in the past you can go into new relationships hypervigilant. You are so focussed on what could go wrong that you end up seeing things that simply aren’t there. You will go out of your way to stay safe and is a time when it is hard to trust your gut feeling as it is hyper-focused on avoiding what has happened before.
How do you avoid this? Heal your past before you get back out there and date otherwise what you don’t repair will end up repeating. This is one powerful area I work with singles to allow them to let healthy love in again.
Otherwise, I have found that it can be too easy to create self-fulling prophecies. This can happen by choosing someone who you know will cheat on you. Or by continually accusing a good person of something they are not doing. This will eventually push them away and make them end the relationship.
This article is how to spot a cheater in 3 dates, however, if you want to know the signs of cheating in relationships, here is what 81 relationship experts think.
If You Want Help to Get Over a Cheater
If you are want to know to get past your hurts and learn how to trust again I can help! All you need to do is to book in a free discovery call? Everything to gain and nothing to lose, right! Book your call here.