How do you know the difference between love bombing and the real thing?
Dating can be tough and it can feel hard to meet someone who you like and who likes you back. If you have experienced people ghosting you, had a string of horror dates or been dating people where you just don’t know where you stand then it is easy to get excited when you finally meet someone who shows they care!
For a minute I want you to imagine how it would feel to meet someone who gives you all the attention, affection, appreciation and love you have always wanted.
They give you flowers, compliments and want to be with you all the time.
It would feel amazing right? Like all your dreams have finally come true.
After being around people who didn’t give you what you felt you wanted and even deserved it is intoxicating to finally find someone who wants YOU.
So much so that you overlook the red flags and the things that just don’t feel right. You feel like it is hard to meet someone so why would you pass this up.
But what if that attention was toxic instead of being real love?
You could be experiencing love bombing instead of the real thing.
Love bombing is what narcissists, psychopaths or people who only feel good when they in control of you use to hook you in. Love bombing is how these types of people manipulate you to get what they want.
What is Love Bombing?
Wikipedia definition is – Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. … Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against it.
A love bomber will literally bomb you with attention when they first meet you. They will act a certain way to win you over. Think flowers expensive gifts, flattery, lovely notes, other grand gestures. They move fast and overwhelm you. They don’t respect your space or personal boundaries.
Love bombing is all about giving excessive affection and attention to get control and influence your behaviour.
The lovely gestures and actions seem like such a wonderful thing to do but their motivation is sinister because it is all about controlling you.
How do you Know if you are the Victim of Love Bombing?
How do you know the difference between love bombing and someone who has genuine feelings for you because in the early stages they can be quite similar? When a guy likes you and wants a relationship with you he will often go all out to win you over just a love bomber.
Yet there is one simple way to know the difference between the genuine guy and the manipulator. It’s looking at what happens next!
It is the sudden switch from one moment putting you up on a pedestal to the next cutting you down to make you feel bad about yourself. The intention is to control you.
They will love bomb you to get you. Yet when they think they have done that they will change to being abusive, difficult, controlling or manipulative.
How do you Avoid being the Victim of Love Bombing?
1. Take Things Slow
When a guy likes you, he won’t be able to stop being excited and he will want to be around you all the time. So, it is up to you to put the brakes on and slow things down. Otherwise, you can easily find yourself caught up in the romance and miss the warning signs. There will always be warning signs! When you take things slowly it allows you the chance to get to know him and find out who is he without becoming overwhelmed. It generally takes a minimum of 3 months for someone to show you their true colours. That is why it is so important to take things slowly as actions will always speak louder than words.
2. Value Yourself
Needing someone to love you so that you feel good about yourself can leave you open to love bombing. These types of people will use your insecurities to control you. They will show that they are the only person who gets and understands you. A love bomber will usually pick someone who they know they can manipulate. Having good self-esteem/worth is your best protection against love bombing. When you value yourself and know your worth you are less likely to fall victim to love bombing.
Boundaries are there to let other people know what is and isn’t acceptable. When you have personal boundaries, you take responsibility for who you are and take control of your life. Boundaries show people how they can and can’t treat you. Healthy boundaries will protect you from falling victim to love bombing.
4. How you Feel
Always take the time to be aware of how you feel in a relationship. Instead of focussing on keeping the other person happy all the time, you need to be aware of how YOU feel. A healthy relationship should feel good and not leave you questioning yourself, feeling insecure or feeling controlled.
5. Trust Your Gut Feeling
People who have been victims of love bombing say that something just didn’t feel right yet they ignored the feelings as it felt so good to have someone who was into them. Trust that gut feeling that is telling you something isn’t quite right.
6. Trust Your Friends and Families Opinion
Chemistry shuts down the part of your brain related to judgement about the person you are dating. You are not objective about them and can be literally blinded by love. The cliche love is blind is a cliche for a reason! Your friends and family are able to be objective in a way you can’t and will see the warning signs. Victims of narcissists, psychopaths and control freaks say that the people that loved them could see what they couldn’t. Take the time to listen to what the people who care about you think as it could save you pain and heartache.
The purpose of this blog is to make you aware of toxic behaviour, rather than hyper focussed on what could go wrong. Becoming the victim of love bombing can leave damage that will have a lasting impact. It is much easier to recognise the difference rather than have to heal after a toxic relationship.
If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, reach out to a professional for help as it can be difficult to get free of their grip.
And remember if you want some help achieving your dating goals a Relationship Coach is the perfect person to help you do that. Simply send me an email debbie@Dare2Date.com.au and we can set a time to chat.