Looking for love in 2018 and it didn’t happen? Or maybe you just wanted to find someone you liked to date?
A new job, career, getting fit, losing weight they are all things you can take deliberate action to achieve.
You achieved in every other area of your life yet feel frustrated that in the area of love and romance it just hasn’t happened.
Maybe you followed the cliché ‘You will Find Love when you Least Expect it’ and still nothing!
Maybe you have started to believe that love just isn’t meant for you!
Could you imagine going for the job you needed, not getting it and then saying I am just not meant to work! You would’t do that because you need money to live – you know for food, rent and clothing.
Why say that in the area of love? Love is a core need and research has proven that people are happier, healthier and even wealthier when in a good relationship.
It is time to stop leaving the most important area of your life to chance and just like any other area it is time to take deliberate action.
16 Steps to Find Love in 2019
1. Set an Intention
Start with the intention to find love. An intention is different from a goal as it is the starting point of every dream. Everything that happens starts with intention. If you decide to buy a birthday present, wiggle your toes, or call a friend, it all starts with intention.
TheFreeDictionary.com defines intention as a course of action that one intends to follow, an aim that guides action, an objective.
I can tell you that you won’t find love unless you actually want it! It can be easy to say that you do but often on a deep level you don’t really want it. I may say that I want to lose weight but if I eat junk food 24/7 no matter how much I might want to lose weight I won’t!
Intentions provide a framework for you to set priorities, use your time wisely, and align yourself with the resources needed to achieve your goals. The process of setting and working towards your intentions declares to yourself, others, that you are serious about your dreams and goals.
A strong, positive, and energised intention will repel what isn’t aligned and attract what is.
When you set a clear and personally compelling intention you will act in ways, respond to situations, create supportive opportunities, and make choices in harmony with your intention. Setting clear intentions also helps you to course-correct and be more balanced if difficulties arise.
2. Start with a clean slate
In 2019 start afresh with a clean slate. Let go of the past! Of what didn’t work and of fear that what happened in the past will happen again. If you have been cheated on, don’t think that the next person will cheat on you. It is time to stop bringing the past into your future and creating self-fulfilling prophecies. It is time to look at your mindset when it comes to your life, love, dating and relationships. Your mindset about love, dating and relationships is crucial. Lose the self-criticism, fear, guilt and regrets. Let go of the fear that you won’t find anyone, or anyone else. Adopt a fresh way of thinking and embrace possibility rather than the thought that there aren’t any good singles out there. I can tell you there are plenty. Embrace possibility.
3. Be clear about what you want
Start with the end in mind and I am not talking about superficial traits like how someone looks.While it’s good to know what you like and don’t like, you also don’t want to narrow minded and create stubborn tunnel vision. Like you will only date the tall guy, or the girl who is a size 8. Often, the qualities that will work the best for you are the ones you didn’t even know you needed. Loosen up and trust.It is important to look at how the person makes you feel when you are with or without them. It is important to decide you want love, not that you kind of want it. Imagine opening Google maps, not putting in an address and expecting to get to your destination. You wouldn’t get anywhere. If you know where you want to go and be it into the GPS you will be directed there! The same applies to love – clarity is the key!
4. Don’t rely on Chemistry
Chemistry is only one factor in a good relationship. You also need shared values, good communication and shared vision of the future. Making your choice on chemistry alone can have disastrous results as you can have insane chemistry with someone you don’t even like! Chemistry actually shuts down the part of your brain related to judgement. This is why it is important to be clear about your must haves and deal breakers.
5. Work on yourself
It is important to have self-worth. The fear of not being good enough and not being worthy is the most common way people self-sabotage their search for love. If you don’t believe you’re loveable/dateable, why would anyone else think that you are? Time to lose this belief and stop sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts of yourself if you want to find true love.
‘We accept the love we think we deserve’. From The Perks of Being a Wallflower .
If you want unconditional love from someone, start by giving it to yourself first. A positive self-image is the path to happiness. Check in with yourself: how do you treat yourself? How do you speak to yourself? How do you hold yourself back and why?
6. Be Yourself!
Be yourself, not what someone else wants you to be just to find love. That never works. Stop twisting yourself out of shape like a pretzel to be liked, it’s time to be authentic.
One word of warning though, don’t take the approach –‘they can take me or leave me’. It is important to lead with your good points and not your worst points (we all have a mix of both).
7. Instead of Great Expectations have realistic expectations
It is time to lose the Judgy McJudginess and be curious. Basically, give people the benefit of the doubt. It can be easy to over analyse every word and action to see if there are any red flags especially if you have been hurt in the past. Give yourself time to get to know someone and don’t let past experiences determine your future.
8. Know what you have to offer
It can be too easy to look at what the other person has to offer you; but what do you have to offer them. Would you meet your own long list of requirements?
9. Have an action plan
Instead of leaving love to chance have a plan. Decide what you want and set your intention/goals to achieve it. Include milestones, review what’s working and isn’t and make adjustments. Break down your actions into daily tasks as well as 30, 60 and 90 day chunks. If you fail to plan you plan to fail! Your action plan must include dating, as you won’t meet anyone sitting on your coach.
10. Trust it will happen
If you have set an intention and are taking action then it is important to trust yourself, trust the process and be calm. What is meant for you will NOT pass you by, so relax and breathe. What you need is the perfect mix of anticipation, keeping focused on what you want, with the ability to let it go. You need to have the anticipation, without getting caught up in negative and impatient thoughts about why love isn’t here now. This might sound like a contradiction but it isn’t. When you want something too much it can come across as desperate. Whereas, if you have the mix of knowing what you want and knowing it will happen you come across as secure. If you are holding on too tight it takes the joy/fun out of life and this will come across. When you relaxed/happy, your confidence increases. You need the ability to be focused, taking action while allowing things to unfold. Trust me they will.
11. Learn to receive from others
Receiving from others is often harder and more vulnerable than giving. When you accept something from someone it is like saying, ‘You make me happy. Which is vulnerable. Are you able to do this? Can you show gratitude and pleasure to people openly and without feeling ashamed or guilty?
12. Work on your Communication Skills
Dating is all about communication and it is important to work on your communication skills. It is time to stop sharing too much information too soon. Allow people to get to know and like you before you get to the nitty gritty.
Ask yourself, “Am I honest and sincere with myself? Am I expressing myself in full integrity to what I truly think and feel?”
13. Change your daily routine
If you do what you have always done you will get the same outcome! Change your daily routine to get different results. This means going to different places and trying new things. As well as being in the moment, making eye contact, smiling and chatting to people you meet.
14. Relax have fun and enjoy the journey
It is time to stop making dating so loaded with expectation. Go back to how it was when you were young! It was all about meeting people and seeing what happens. When you relax and have fun, while enjoying the journey the energy give out is different and in a good way!
15. Find Examples of Love Working
Surround yourself with examples of love working. Your parents may not have the best marriage, but you can find other relationships that you admire and pick out what you like the most.
Observe couples you respect and identify how the couples supports each other. How do they speak to one another? How do they show each other love? By asking these questions, you are increasing your awareness of the kind of relationships that work, rather than having a running list of things you don’t want in your own love life.
16. Replace Anxiety with Faith.
Faith is the ability to move beyond your doubts, knowing that what you want is out there for you. There will always be bumps in the road to love. These are normal and there certainly isn’t anything wrong with you. Remember negative, fearful thoughts only increase anxiety. Your thoughts create your reality, so by thinking negatively you’re essentially manifesting what you don’t want. Train yourself to think positively, expecting the good.Don’t give up – the person you are looking for is also looking for you (90% of people will be wrong for you but you only need the one).
If you are serious about finding love in 2019, Dare2Date’s Relationship Services prepare you to welcome love into your life. We work on both the inside (how you feel and approach love) and the outside (the impression that others get of you). Our goal is to arm you with the tools and strategies to attract the right person for you. Contact me by emailing Debbie@Dare2Date.com.au.