Newly single – what do you do, how do you go about dating?
Dating has significantly changed in the past 5 years, let alone in the last 20 years!
If you are single in a dating world that is drastically different, what do you do?
How does being single work? What are the ground rules? Where do you meet other singles, how do you navigate texting and what about sex with someone new!
So many questions!
And if the last time you were single, blue eye shadow and perms were in fashion you could be even more confused!
8 Simple Dating Tips for the Newly Single
1. Your Image
It is important to look at how you present yourself now you are single.
Making an effort to look your best is not superficial—it’s one of the most powerful things you can do to be successful in the single world.
The modern dating world is superficial and competitive. First impressions matter and let’s face it you only get one chance to make yours count. If you have come out of a long term relationship you could be in a comfortable rut. If this is you, then it’s time for an update. Look at what you wear, your hair style and ladies your make-up. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to cost a lot either. I recommend getting someone of the opposite sex to give you an honest opinion as this can make all the difference. Women and men have totally different opinions on what looks good and if you want to date the opposite sex then their opinion matters. For specific tips for men read Guys 15 Tips to Look Sexier for Women and for women read 15 Simple Tips – What to Wear for Women.
Now you are single you should have three dating outfits ready to avoid the, ‘I have nothing to wear mindset’.
- An outfit for a casual coffee date.
- Something a little dressier for going out for dinner.
- A dressy outfit for a formal event.
Dating is about being able to talk to someone and having a good conversation. The good news is having a good conversation is a skill that you can learn. In fact, you are probably already using this skill in another area of your life. I recommend practicing chatting in areas where you are not under pressure and observe what works and what doesn’t. That way it will come naturally when you are dating. Oh, and remember the opposite sex are just people! The more you get comfortable listening and talking then the easier it will be.
A simple tip for men is to remember that you don’t need to ‘sell’ yourself by telling your date all about yourself, in fact, it works better if you don’t. No-one likes to be talked at, rather they want to feel like they are having a conversation that flows easily back and forth.
I recommend getting some new interests and be interesting.
Have things already in your mind that you can talk about makes it easier. Look for a subject that is interesting to others and to yourself and use this. It could be that you like to travel so you ask someone what is on their bucket list or maybe music is your thing so you ask them what the best concert they have ever been to.
Skip the interview style questions as they do not build a connection with the person you are talking to. In fact, they have the opposite effect of putting the person off. The reason is the other person feels like they are being judged and no-one wants to feel like this on a date. You may feel like you don’t have any time to waste but I can tell you this is not the way to save time! The other thing to be aware of is that people can say what they know you want to hear to get a date but it doesn’t mean that it is true. Remember actions speak louder than words and you can only get to know someone over a period of time.
3. Where to Meet now you are Single
You can still meet other single people anywhere – the coffee shop, at work, through friends, at the pub, at a sporting club, online, singles events, dancing, traveling, meetups etc. You don’t have to limit yourself to any one way or to think that online dating is the only way.
Chatting to people in real life is not out of fashion and singles still enjoy this happening naturally.
I want to let you know that dating is a numbers game and although 90% of the people you meet may not be what you are looking for 10% still will be. Online dating may feel a little like a 2nd job, however, you will find the most singles online and you have loads of choices with Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Pof, RSVP, Lumen, etc. There are ways to succeed, but that is a whole another blog in itself.
4. Fun and Possibility now you are Single
Enjoy being single. Make the most of each moment rather than being in a rush to get into a relationship. Enjoy the idea of the possibilities that await you – the butterflies you feel when you meet someone you like, the magical first kiss and dreaming of what can happen next.
Dating and being single should and can be fun so make the most of your time!
It is all to easy to get caught up in getting somewhere rather than enjoying the moments along the way. Always remember that in an instant you could be in a committed relationship.
5. Let go of the Past
The first couple of dates should be fun. Don’t waste time talking about a failed relationship or an ex. Just don’t! Avoid asking what went wrong with the last relationship straight away. If you are asked about an ex, it is not an excuse to tell all, simply say it didn’t work out. No-one wants to hear about your ex and it will give the impression that you are not over them!
Let go of the past and concentrate on your date!If you have been dumped or ended a relationship and felt heartbroken, maybe you feel like a failure or you are just lonely. It can be easy to avoid the pain by dating someone new, you know distracting yourself with attention from the opposite sex. When you feel heartbroken it easy to try to find distraction in dating. Instead why not enjoy some time being single and letting yourself discover what you enjoy in life, who you are and what you really want. To create the future you want it is important to find a way to let go of the past, so you can move on.
6. Sex now you are Single
If you have come out of a long term relationship the thought of having sex with someone new can be either scary or exciting. It is important to have sex when you are ready, not just because you are newly single. If you put yourself under too much pressure you won’t enjoy the experience. Just because everyone has casual sex doesn’t mean you have to. Everyone has a different view of sex, so take the time to work out what feels right for you.
Don’t obsess about what you look like either. It is all too easy to focus on what is wrong with your body. To obsess over every real or perceived fault, especially the older you get. But my advice is simple – STOP IT. Men love women’s bodies and are happy when they have a naked woman in front of them – it’s that simple. I want to reassure you that most men are not nearly as harsh as you are with yourself! Oh, and if you do come across an overly critical person – get rid of them. Life is too short to waste time on singles who don’t value you.
Oh, and the first time you have sex being newly single doesn’t have to be the best sex of your life either!
There aren’t any specific rules when it comes to sex now you are single and it is important to do what you feel is right for you. Don’t be pressured into doing anything that you aren’t ready for, as it can be all too easy to be pressured. Personally, I recommend enjoying every single moment and not being in a hurry. When you go straight to sex you can miss out on some of the delightful feelings of anticipation and excitement. Those moments will help you feel comfortable with the person you are with and make it easy to let go of the fear. You know someone driving you crazy with desire – kissing you deeply, kissing your neck, touching you, etc. Pashing isn’t just for teenagers!
Finally, when you do have sex make sure you practice safe sex!
7. How does Texting Work
Texting is a huge part of dating whether you like it or not. Don’t wait too long to text as there is no longer a 3 day rule where you have to wait to contact the other person. In fact, many singles will lose interest if you take too long to contact them. Oh and remember that texting doesn’t replace talking, texts are great to share info that doesn’t matter but should never replace real conversations. Keep in mind that it is quite easy to misinterpret what someone means in a text message, so don’t using texting for sharing things that are bothering you.
Beware of relationships where you only ever text but don’t see or talk to each other – this really isn’t a relationship!
Men it can be used to build attraction, so make sure you don’t just secure your date and wait for the night to happen. Women will want to hear from you in the meantime
8. Don’t take it Personally
Dating and rejection go hand in hand. However, most of it isn’t personal and you may like a person but it doesn’t mean that they are your type or ‘cup of tea’!
It’s all too easy to think rejection is all about you. You know, you were rejected because you weren’t good looking enough, didn’t earn enough, not smart or funny enough. But rejection is usually more about where the other person is and what is happening for them. The other person has their ‘own’ baggage and self-doubts. They may not have moved on from a previous relationship or might just realise you aren’t a good fit.
They may not be ready to date and only realise it when they have started dating you. Or they just aren’t over their ex. In all of these cases it wouldn’t have mattered who you were. The key is to not take it personally as it really isn’t all about you and what you lack. In fact, it probably has very little to do with you.
I hope you have found these tips helpful.
Dare2Date specialises in helping you successfully navigate dating in the modern age and are here for YOU. To contact us phone 0450 771 382 or email Debbie@Dare2Date.com.au