Stop Sabotaging Yourself by Turning away Men who might Make Wonderful Partners!

By October 23, 2017 Advice for Women, Blog
Met Someone

You are single, love your life, have great friends and only want to be with a man who makes your life better you don’t want anything less!

 Is this you?

 If it is, you could be sabotaging yourself by turning away the one!

 People are often happy being single and unless someone is going to make their life better they will remain single. They refuse to settle – which in my opinion is a great thing, cos no-one wants to settle right! Settling implies accepting something less than you deserve and no-one wants that.

 However, by being this way you can actually overlook some amazing singles.

 When I talk to women they tell me that they want an intelligent, educated, good looking, funny, financially secure, fit and healthy guy. They often want the guy to share the same interests, to be tall, dress well and of course they want an instant spark of chemistry the moment they meet.

 When it doesn’t instantly happen, they reject the person!

 It can be interesting how often looks are more important than how the person will make you feel. I can tell you the good looking guy becomes less so when he doesn’t make you feel good, whereas the less good looking guy becomes more so when he makes you feel good.

With all these exceptionally high standards women are ending up lonelier than ever before and actually getting less sex than their grandmothers.

 Why is this the case?

Because singles in 2017 are more judgmental and will literally make instant judgments, ruling out potential partners on so many things that don’t ultimately matter.

When you do this you risk ruling everyone out and ending up with no-one to date!

I have been running dating events and coaching singles for the past 6 years and see this all the time, particularly for those people who have previously been married or in a long term relationship before. It is also especially true for the over 40’s, it seems the older we get the more judgmental we get.

 It is great to have healthy standards but some of reasons you are ruling people out could be sabotaging your chances of finding love. You could be creating your own blocks to love.

Here are 7 potential blocks that could be sabotaging your chances of finding the love you are looking for:

1. Must have a Degree

You will only date a man who has a degree and is a professional. I talk to many women and they tell me they will only date an educated, professional guy, nothing less. In Western Australia we have more men than women but not all of them have a degree and by insisting on one, you will significantly narrow your options.

 It is also interesting to note that the amount of men getting a degree in Australia in 2016 was less than the amount of women getting a degree.

 I want to let you know that degrees do not necessarily equal intelligence or for that matter great conversation or company. I don’t know about you but I have met many highly educated boring people or alternatively ones without any common sense.

 Alternatively I have met some very intelligent tradies who run their own business and would make an amazing partner. A master’s degree is no guarantee that you will be compatible or for that matter that they will even earn a lot of money; tradies often earn more.

So if you MUST HAVE an educated man with a degree, this could be ruling out half of the available men and sabotage your chances of a loving relationship.

2. Needs to be Tall

It is no secret that women prefer tall men! When I ask women what they are looking for most tell me someone who is tall, which to them means 183cm (in the old language that is 6ft).

 The problem with this is that only 10% of guys are 183cm or more and not all of those are single. So that could possibly leave you with 5% of the male population to choose from.

Does it really matter if maybe they are 174 (5ft 8) or 179 (5ft 9).

Yes I know you want to wear your heals but would you prefer that to finding love? And let’s face it the heels aren’t so good for you anyway!!!

3. Needs to Share your Interests

Shared interests can be fun but they are not necessary to a healthy relationship. You might be looking for a man who will go dancing with you or go to the ballet and not date anyone who isn’t open to this.

However, many amazing guys do not enjoy dancing or the ballet. This does not mean they won’t make a great partner. It is more important to be able to share the same values than it is to have the same interests. Anyway it can be fun enjoying exploring each other’s interests!

4. Random Superficial Stuff

The reason singles rule people out can be endless and very superficial.  I can tell you in my six years running a dating business I have heard it all and then some! It can be as simple as the person commented that they don’t want to go to Bali when you love it, they were a cat person and their date was a dog person, the person had never travelled and their date loved travel, etc. Guys are often nervous on a first date, so cut them a little slack and see where it goes. Suspend judgement on the little stuff that really doesn’t matter when you fall in love. I know I say this all the time but some of the happiest couples I know would have rejected each other at a speed date or through an online profile. They are all glad that they didn’t.

5. Looks/Style
You meet someone for a date and their teeth are too yellow or you hate the way they dress so you instantly say no to them. Both of these things can be fixed – teeth whitening and some help with what to wear (men aren’t always automatically good at this)! It is time to start looking at the character of the person and how they make you feel rather the superficial stuff that doesn’t matter in the long run! I also think the older we get we are still looking for what we were attracted to when were younger. The problem is we are all aging and don’t look the same and nor do they, to read more Are you too Shallow?

6. Different Viewpoints

Not everyone thinks the same, nor do they have the point of view. I have many good friends who don’t have the same political views as mine or the same opinion on how to deal with the various social issues facing the world today. I don’t rule them out as a friend because of this! It is interesting how we seem to have a stricter criteria for love than we do for friendship and friendship is often forever and the little differences do not stop you being friends. However, when you are dating it can be all too easy to rule someone out because they have a different point of view to yours. I want to ask you if it really matters at the end of the day? Again you could be putting an unnecessary block in the road to love.

7. Needs to be interested in Personal Development

I have many coaching clients who want a conscious man – you know one who is interested in personal development as much as they are.

The problem with this is men look at the whole personal development area quite differently to women. It is a fact that 75% of all self-help books are purchased by women and that more women attend personal development workshops than men.

This doesn’t mean men aren’t interested in getting over their ‘stuff’ they just go about it differently to women.  My advice to you is to look for a guy who is over his baggage and who has worked on his ‘stuff’ because then he will be ready for a relationship. The guy who is over his stuff may not be interested in personal development, like you are that doesn’t mean he isn’t an awesome guy.

So don’t expect the guy to be as much into the whole personal development thing as you as it is a limiting requirement that could stop you finding love.

Conclusion

 I do what I do because I genuinely would love you to meet a man who makes you feel amazing, who is ready to share your love. 

It is time to stop limiting your options.

To increase your chances of finding love, it is time to get rid of blocks that don’t matter.

Remember you are not perfect and nor is he! Anyway perfection is often boring! 

 I can tell you that there are plenty of great men out there, why not give them a chance? Go on a couple of dates, you may be surprised and you might just find love!

 Debbie xxoxx

 

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