The Secret to Create the Relationship of your Dreams is to Know your Values!

By March 24, 2018 Uncategorized
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Did  you know that research has proven that shared values are important and allow you to create a lasting relationship. Essentially it allows you to create the relationship of your dreams.

All too often people base their choice on chemistry ! This can have disastrous results – as you can have insane chemistry with someone you don’t even like!

This happens because chemistry is known to shut down the part of your brain related to judgement. That’s where the common cliché ‘love is blind’ comes from!

To create the relationship of your dreams it is important to realise that as important as chemistry is, it is only one factor in making the right choose in a partner!

To have the relationship you have always imagined it is important to have three components:

  1. Chemistry
  2. Shared Values
  3. Good communication

Values are important, therefore it is important to look at what you value and be clear about what matters to you.

Creating the love/relationship you have always imagined doesn’t happen by chance. It is not done by writing a list of physical attributes you are looking for in a partner. Many singles base their choice on set criteria such as physical characteristics, the person’s status, education or how much money they make. But it is more important to make your choice based on how someone makes you FEEL. Have you ever noticed how the good-looking person becomes less good looking as you get to know them? Whereas, the person who isn’t as good looking person can become much more attractive over time.

So let’s work out what your values are! You can’t create the relationship of your dreams without being clear about what you value.

Your values are the things that are the most important to you. They (generally) decide what your priorities are and they’re generally what you use to work out if your life is turning out the way you want it to. A value expresses the importance/worth of something, and they are like categories for all your preferences in life.

Your values are operating in the background of your life and are not something you always consciously think about.

It can be all too easy to not give your values much thought. People often stick with values they grew up with – the ones that came from their parents. Therefore, it is important to look at whether they still feel right for you. When you are clear about what your values you are, then you are able to match your actions to your values and create the life/love you have always imagined.

Here is an exercise for you to identify your values – they may surprise you!

  1. From the list circle or write down every core value that is true for you, don’t overthink your choices. As you read through the list, circle/write down the words that feel right. If you think of a value you have that isn’t on the list, include it.
Abundance

Acceptance

Accountability

Achievement

Advancement

Adventure

Advocacy

Ambition

Appreciation

Attractiveness

Autonomy

Balance

Being the Best

Benevolence

Boldness

Brilliance

Calmness

Caring

Challenge

Charity

Cheerfulness

Cleverness

Community

Commitment

Compassion

Cooperation

Collaboration

Consistency

Contribution

Creativity

Credibility

Curiosity

Daring

Decisiveness

Dedication

Dependability

Diversity

Empathy

Encouragement

Enthusiasm

Ethics

Excellence

Expressiveness

Fairness

Family

Friendships

Flexibility

Freedom

Fun

Generosity

Grace

Gratitude

Growth

Flexibility

Happiness

Health

Honesty

Humility

Humor

Inclusiveness

Independence

Individuality

Innovation

 

Inspiration

Intelligence

Intuition

Joy

Kindness

Knowledge

Leadership

Learning

Love

Loyalty

Making a Difference Mindfulness

Motivation

Optimism

Open-Mindedness Originality

Passion

Performance

Personal Development Proactive

Professionalism

Recognition

Risk Taking

Safety

Security

Service

Spirituality

Stability

Peace

Perfection

Playfulness

Popularity

Power

Preparedness

Proactivity Professionalism Punctuality

Recognition

Relationships

Reliability

Resilience Resourcefulness Responsibility Responsiveness

Security

Self-Control

Selflessness

Simplicity

Stability

Success

Teamwork

Thankfulness Thoughtfulness Traditionalism Trustworthiness Understanding

Uniqueness

Usefulness Versatility Vision

Warmth

Wealth

Well-Being

Wisdom

Zeal

Group all similar values together from the list of values you just created. Group them in a way that makes sense to you. Create a maximum of five groups. If you have more than five groupings, drop those least important. See the example below.

Abundance

Growth

Wealth

Security

Freedom Independence Flexibility

Peace

Acceptance Compassion Inclusiveness Intuition

Kindness

Love

Making a Difference Open-Mindedness Trustworthiness Relationships

Appreciation Encouragement Thankfulness Thoughtfulness Mindfulness

Gratitude

Balance

Health

Spirituality

Well-being

Cheerfulness

Fun

Happiness

Humour

Inspiration

Joy

Optimism Playfulness

Choose one word within each group that stands out the most. Again, do not overthink your choice. There are no right or wrong answers. You are finding the answer that is right for you. See the example below –

Abundance

Growth

Wealth

Security

Freedom

Independence Flexibility

Peace

Acceptance Compassion Inclusiveness Intuition

Kindness

Love

Making a Difference

Open-Mindedness Trustworthiness Relationship

Appreciation Encouragement Thankfulness Thoughtfulness Mindfulness

Gratitude

Balance

Health

Spirituality

Well-being

Cheerfulness

Fun

Happiness

Humour

Inspiration

Joy

Optimism Playfulness

In this case the top 5 Values are:

Freedom, Making a Difference, Gratitude, Well-being, and Fun

When you are clear and conscious of what your values are it allows you to direct your unconscious mind to make them happen.

Now take the time to look at the values and qualities you are looking for in a relationship. Your list of ‘values’ are personal and are based on what you are looking for. Some examples of ‘values’ include, trust, respect, unconditional love, fun, freedom, passion, etc.

Your list of ‘qualities’ (these are quite similar) are also unique for each person, some examples of qualities are:   kindness, intelligence, humour, openness, etc.

Take the time to write 2 lists; one for the values and one for the qualities that you are looking for. Write as many as you can based on how you want to FEEL in your relationships.

Now you are clear on what is important to you, to what you value and you are able to create the relationship you have always imagined!

Debbie xxoxx