Under the influence

By September 26, 2015 December 28th, 2015 Advice for Women, Blog
under the influence

When a guy is really into you, he will want to see you all the time.  He leaves no doubt that he’s into you. However, a guy’s initial intensity is no  indication of whether the relationship will  work out.

Why? Because when a guy first meets you he is –‘Under the Influence’ – chemistry literally blinds him.

Chemistry causes men to:

  1. Be blinded by the physical attraction they feel and make him come on strong.
  2. To be excited and chase after the woman that has blinded him!
  3. Be caught up in the mystery and novelty of meeting someone new, they want to find out all about you and be with you all the time. It is really exciting when he doesn’t know anything about you!
  4. Put you on a pedestal and see only what he wants to see. You are unlike anyone he has ever met  and he starts to idealize you.
  5. Overlook your bad traits and any red flags that come up. Chemistry causes him to suffer from temporary blindness where he magnifies any good points and minimises any bad points. I have talked to numerous men who say they didn’t realise their partner was like that in the beginning, chemistry is the reason why!
  6. Get caught up in the uncertainty and challenge of the chase; the attraction literally increases with the uncertainty.

With so much chemistry around you would think all relationships  should work. But that is not the case. So what causes a guy to lose interest?

The answer is he is ‘under the influence’!

Have you ever gone on a night out and drank too much? In the moment you had the best time – you loved everyone and everything. It was literally the BEST night; that is until you woke up the next morning! When you woke up, nothing felt the same – everything is less than perfect. You might wonder exactly what happened, wonder why you did that or thought that!

That is exactly how things are for a guy when he is ‘under the influence’ of chemistry.

What happens is at some point you do or say something that sobers him up.

It might come at a time when he doesn’t have to chase you anymore, when might be when you finally have sex or a first argument.

At this point the guy panics and pulls back – he literally wonders how the hell he ended up where he is. He sobers up and everything looks less than perfect! Just like the morning after.

At this point you are totally confused and wonder what you have done wrong. You move towards him to see if you can fix things and he just pulls away. This is the worst feeling for a woman and happens more than you realise. To find out more about this read my previous article: Why men pull away.

The guy doesn’t intend to hurt or mislead you, he is just no longer blinded by the chemistry.

If this is a common issue how do you deal with it? My advice is to- PUT THE BRAKES ON and take things slowly! When I advise women this they resist, telling me it feels great, so why not?

Here are the reasons why to take it slow:

  1. You need time to get to know him and work out if he is for you. If you spend every night with a guy, you tell him too much, too quickly. You end up with information overload; without time to process. Besides there is no longer any mystery; which guys LOVE! Women tend to tell guys who they are quickly as they want to be accepted. Whereas men take around 3 months to let you know who they are, as they are trying to impress and win you over. By the 3 month mark you like him and will overlook his flaws. Putting you at risk of settling for a relationship that doesn’t work for you.
  2. When a guy gets what he wants too quickly he often doesn’t want it. Whether we like it or not it is a primal instinct in a man to chase and the longer it takes the more value it holds.
  3. It weeds out the players who just want sex.
  4. Men need space to really know if they like you. You need to give them the chance to miss you and you can’t do this if you are seeing them all the time!
  5. You should enjoy the experience of getting to know someone and dating. Take your time and enjoy the experience !

Never drop everything because a guy wants to see you. A guy who likes you will be ok with you having a life and taking things slowly. He will even respect you for it. Keep in mind the saying – ‘act in haste repent at leisure’.

If you take things slowly you will ALWAYS get better results! I would also end by saying that you should always trust your gut feeling and NEVER dismiss what it tells you.

Happy dating,

Debbie x